dark thoughts

part of my self discovery process has to be with dealing with this, and successfully processing through it or incorporating it into a valid part of myself. i will not succumb to denial and band aiding these through refusal to confront. i am, however, still being born in a sense- and therefore i can not carry everything at once. it's important to me to maintain my sense of self here, so it's a very narrow line i walk.

today things that were challenging- thinking about relationships with men, financial aspects growing heavy on me and making me feel slowed down, relationships with friends, romantic life,and confronting my alcohol use.

i will not take these all at once, as it is important to maintain a sense of self- and not a sense of extraneous information that i carry with me.

i have found it useful to focus not on what i can't do, or have been unable to do- but instead on goals i have and developing myself.

things i have accomplished-

beginning a routine- yoga, guitar
processing and letting things pass through me
maintaining a sense of self while also maintaining empathy
making decisions- to save up, slowly buy furnishings for new home- save in storage unit, find a place where i may live alone and build myself as a person
separating fear from actuality
explaining myself only to myself, maintaining focus and sense of importance in goals
letting go of some guilt
no alcohol use

i am tired, a bit worn, and i am sure of myself, and i find it important to say so, as i do struggle a lot with self belief, and guilt.

i know that balancing my physical self with my mental self is crucial to this process, and when i get too wound up in my mind i am going to make it a habit to do some yoga and regain balance.

i am going to do that, put on a comedy, and sleep.






night, world.